I just write

One of the methods for overcoming overthinking is by writing. I am writing right now to cope with my overthinking. I am afraid of everything that will happen, with all the things that I expected. 

Living overseas with no one accompanies you, while you also have always avoided people lately is so draining. While, the only one who you always you count in gradually becoming someone you dont know, or it is just you being denial all the time that you dont really know that "the one".

I feel lost, completely lost. I feel unwanted, but I know most of the time, I am unwanted. The only person that wants me, is me, the only one who keeps trying to live to want me. Then, what is happening right now if I am confusing how to live? 

I am afraid, even to write down what has happened to my life, is so frightening to me. I feel lost. I know not all the things were bad but I know it is not good either. I just lost, I just do not know how to fix this. 

I know and am aware that it is so likely that I am the one who made this happened. But, why along the way we can never have a chance to listen that we are all wrong and hurting each other. 

I feel lost why I can be trembling for the little unexpected things, why I am being so weak with rejections, with the refusals or simply a different opinion. 

Why can we just accept that we all need help, and it is never wrong to need help, to ask for help to say that I am lost right now, I am messed up right now. 

Gue pernah suatu ketika buat opsi untuk menuliskan semuanya dalam satu buku, I am trying to write it down, how I am being this sensitive, why it seems that most of the time things cant be handled. I have a book on that. And I know, buku itu tidak pernah akhirnya dibaca.