/.the-process-of-no-longer-being-alive./

"masa nyerah gini doang?"

Pagi Kara dan Kamu

Saya bukan pemuja akhir pekan sebenarnya, karena ketika Ia datang, saya jadi gundah. Tak ada tumpukan pekerjaan yang dinstruksikan membuat saya jadi banyak melakukan hal yang sebenarnya saya tidak ingin lakukan. Tapi itu dulu.

Saya selalu tidak suka diri saya ketika subuh datang, kemudian berakhir, mata saya mengatuk lagi, saya tidak pernah suka itu, karena Idola saya tak suka itu, dan hari ini saya mengalahkan mata yang demikian itu. Membawa saya kepada tontonan saya beberapa lama yang lalu, Red Band Society. 

Saya tidak ingat betul kapan terkahir kali saya melakukannya, dan alhasil, dengan sok tahunya saya memilih episode 13. Sejatinya tak ada banyak yang berbeda dari yang sebelum-sebelumnya, ketika melihatnya, saya tersenyum, tertawa, menangis dan lainnya. Yang satu saya selalu suka adalah bagaimana semuanya seperti Rumah di dalamnya. Saya dan, Uni, yang lebih tahu bagaimana sebenarnya hal yang demikian itu ada, sependapat bahwa kita menyukai sisi yang demikian. 

Tapi ada yang lebih saya suka tadi, 

Pagi yang ditipkan kepada Kara untuk saya. Tentang bagaimana cara kita melihat hidup, yang kamu sering katakan, iya, kamu.

I thought we both have this phobia

The thing is I saw the bee, but I just don’t feel it, even it stings me, I don’t feel it. I know it’s like the things that I am afraid of for the entire of my life suddenly I’m not scare of it anymore, it’s not amazing?

I guess

You know this morning when I couldn’t feel the ice water on my chest, It was embarrassing, It was like everything suck happened to me, on the crappy stuff that I’m gonna have to get used to. But the bee is unexpected, it was just like discover that I have a superpower, that wouldn’t kill me makes me stronger. I can change, mom.   

Hidup tentang bagaimana kita belajar.

for my first day of internship. positive people everywhere.

with positive goals for this life, as always, Allah does always gives 

what we need which sometimes was not things you were craving for

Alhamdulillah,

"Ayo ya kita bantu orang kecil" 

                              - Pak Dedi.

Yous

I actually did not talk about You any longer, I didn't always think about you, no more. Cause I thought there are so many things need my concern now and I have to be responsible for that, until my brother with the sudden mentioned your name on the you-know-when day. The day which concludes every feeling of mine about you, that I never know, will never know what exact things in your mind, I do not know how to interpret every single thing you did, trap me in a bunch of less-knowledge opinions which make me a speculator, speculatting and doing many things that I'm not supposed to do, then eventually introduce me to another you, 

You with a very warm heart, big beautiful eyes and lovely smile. I never thought that you and I are gonna be in this kind of situation --cheesy situation. Everything I write just like everything I'd like to say, it was written as if I'm talking to the one I write about, it never meant to hurt anyone, what's the point I'm talking if only for hurting someone? With this very short-term and narrow memory I didnt remember if I ever write about you. Did I ever write about you? If I did, did I ever hurt you with those words? Did I ever blame you for the things that happened to me? Did I ever claim that you are my competitor in anything? Did I ever beg you to do anything? Did I ever declare that all the things come to you lately was my wish? Did I ever curse anything that happened to me? If I did, there must be a big thing I've done beside making words here, I bet. It is just too young to name and summarize my previous words as a sorrow while the opposite as happiness, we have a lot of things to do, and a lot of things gained, right? In addition, I'm not able enough to define what happiness and sadness is. I'd rather name them as 'Things that I have to be grateful for' I'm afraid for being so happy or so sad cause I am just who I am, with so many faults and negligences. However, just like you, who could be right and wrong I absolutely could be wrong, then I apologize for everything I did, so let us be better for the sake we only have to be for, only Him

Who then fated me to have days with you. You with the super standby legs and arms. The one whose a back I adore. Who ever sit right before my eyes that trapped me in silence with the crowded mind busy choosing what things could be talked. I like the way you detail everything (even it was my fault to mock :p) I am surprised that you remember the things that I have a doubt you would remember. You are just like Jacob, while I'm Beatrice. What? Beatrice? No, I'm just who I am and you are just you are meant to be, just like another you, and you. Who wrap my present, and

Who doesn't love a gift? Noone.